DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
