just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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