walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
