Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
