Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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