You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
