One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
