I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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