did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you win again, gameday.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
