I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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