if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
