i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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