I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
