Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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