I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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