i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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