phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
