i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
