remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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