He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
