I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
