I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
