It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
