Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
