Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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