So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
