would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
