So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
