I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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