I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
