but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
