I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
