my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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