So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Still dying that you shit outside
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
