a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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