There was a lot of him and a little penis
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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