You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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