This girl is more easily done than said...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
