Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
