This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
