I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
