I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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