the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
