i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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