Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
