so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
