I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
