So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
