I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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