Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
