I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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