I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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